Here I Go, 2009!

Once again, cliche as it ALWAYS may seem, another year has weathered us by.
Of course, 2009 has been a brawl of memories and some good, smashing times!

It's gonna be my first Christmas and New Year's away from home, so here I am, reminiscing before I venture off to the Land of the Rising Sun!



Presidency of ELDS for 08/09. One of the most major, high-ranking post I have so rashly taken up.
Admittedly, I know I could've done much better... (yes, we all have common ground on this subject, don't we?)
Feelings of incompetence, time constraints, engulfing arguments and misunderstandings...

But.

I could've never asked for a better team to help me.
A special thank you to Vicky, the inanely BRILLIANT cili padi of a girl for helping me in every which way she could!

Good luck to Abinaya, my very promising successor!

Forensics.
Making THE semi-finals with Nicola, the red sea of happiness on the last day, the ecstacy of screaming our hearts out as we WON.
WE made it HAPPEN!

District Drama Competition.
A pinch of friendly craziness, the zest of acting once more, meeting a dollop of old friends, mixing with the new and a slice of me making yet another memorable character to remember by, Mak Cik Rosnah.
Denise, Mrs. Surinder, Mr. Surinder, Dr. Nathan, Tan, Miss Chee and everyone else.
Third place: we DESERVED it!

Lit Night 2009; Mosaics.
A myriad of issues, conflicts, time constraints and misunderstandings...
But a concert that turned heads and kept everyone sitting on the edges of their seats;
New friends and even newer responsibilities.
A mind blowing whole 6 months' worth of blood, sweat and tears.
All of it: well worth the sacrifice.

Marching has also played a big part in my crazy scheduled year.
Having Zi-Lynn to remind me we're only human.
'Family time' and the Sewing Squad.
Hilarious bonding sessions.
The sweet, sweet bliss of FINALLY winning that gold medal.
Simply phenomenal. Especially when you see that beam on our sun-striken faces.

LEO; this club has changed me for who I am, and who I will be.
All that banner painting and funding has never been so fun (or STRESSFUL)
Leo Idol, Forum, LLC and all those other projects, right up to our un-installation.
And then there was PJI.
Here's to all the more fun and celebrations we'll have together!

Puan Wan Aida! This section is especially dedicated to this tough cookie.
Whose shown us the way and given us a reason to fight.
Ekonomi Asas classes could've never any more fun.
I know you'll be reading this if you decide to google your name again! ;D
So please know that my prayers are always with you,
God will bless you with the courage and strength to fight this!
I just know it. :)

To compensate for not going for LOC and LLC, I got to faciliate a church camp.
Maybe being a big sister isn't so bad after all.
Them lovable tweens. Real cute. X)
I'm glad you guys finally know what a leech looks like!

Then came library days and librarian company, courtesy of SPM.
Heads tilting low over text books, thawing our brains raw to remember Sejarah facts, Maths calculations and essays.
From eating out and sneaking in chocolates and sweets to stay awake,
Getting to know new buddies and meeting the old... disturbing videos (ugh, head split),
To pinching, kicking and teasing each other over the littlest things.
Joanna, Shuba, Meenu, Veshinu, Maddhu, Vinod, Edward and a lot more...
You guys never fail to make my day while it lasted :)

The Attack of SPM; enough said.
And finally...
My very final days of being an official school kid.
No more text books, unnecessary homework and not focusing on doing what I TRULY like to do...
It's all over.
And I know, I'll miss it.
5A2, the terror that was.
Here's to what we were, and all it's insanity!

There is, of course, a lot more between the lines than this.
Everything: family, friends, teachers and acquaintances;
I keep in that sacred corner of my mind I call precious memories.

So as we step off yet another year,
we fall headfirst to new adventures, discoveries, friends and memories.
But as we fall, let's hang on to every passing moment, to taste it only just to savour it a lifetime.

Anata-gata!
Sayonara ja matta, ne?
I'll see you all next year!

Bon Voyage 2009,
Here I come, 2010! :)

Heartache : The REAL Deal.

The first time you walked into our class with that cheeky smile of yours,
We just knew you were definitely not of the norm.

I loved your lessons.
Not only because you were so enthusiastic in teaching us,
You actually cared to notice that we (well, some of us) were quite frankly, stupid.
You cared enough to bother to actually give us extra class, even when half the class never showed up.
The lesson-lunch session was the best.

Whatever it was, you smiled.

With your crazy socializing, your crazy laughter and your crazier antics,
You always smiled.
For crying out loud, you even smiled when you told us we had horrendous grades and how hopeless we were!

Just that in itself made us feel guilty enough to make us want to change.
And in a class where you're surrounded with monkeys, that's pretty much hard to do.

I may have fallen asleep during your class twice.
But I wasn't sleeping. Honest! I was quite content just listening.
And I can tell you, Brazillian money is definitely NOT dollars.



But something wasn't quite right.
As much as you tried to hide it behind that broad grin.

We knew you were sick.
And this morning, we got the real deal.
You're dying.

I'm sorry I fell asleep in your class.
I'm sorry I didn't put as much effort as I actually could in whatever I did.
Heck, I apologize for all those apes who didn't give a damn about your eagerness to teach.

I know immortalizing your greatness on an insignificant blog isn't going to do much about the fact you're facing right now,
But having you as a teacher was an eye-opener.

Meet Puan Wan Aida, my Economics teacher.
She didn't just teach me a subject,
She showed me how to live my life before it's too late.

So to all you people who just read this:

You only have one life.
Get out of that computer chair right now, and go LIVE IT.
(And stop abusing the word 'die' unless you truly are dying.)

Dear God,
If it's any time to show us a miracle,
It's right now.

Please help her.

Enlightenment.

I guess God got tired of his persistent nagging of trying to get me to study hard enough.
(What with trials only 10 DAYS AWAY, studying at MY rate is donning yourself a death sentence.)

Instead, in my UTTER LAZINESS of idly watching TV,
He enlightened me on what I am TRULY studying FOR.

In fact, He gave me COUNTLESS pointers of which I was too blind to interpret in the first place.

All those years of poking my nose into animal-related books and watching Animal Planet,
The countless pets I've gone through and loved,
Even the recent poop-scooping in the zoo.




When I grow up,
I want to be a wildlife conservationist.




Anyone care to point me in the right direction?

Good is good.
ALL the time.
Thanks God :)

Stupid:

The perfect definition when you resort to brawn rather than brain.

Would the money appear from thin air by resorting to violence?
No.

Would you get the money now that you HAVE?
HELL, no.

I would've punched you in the face to give you a taste of your own medicine.
But like Zi-Lynn said, I wouldn't want to reduce myself to your level.
I know much better, thanks.

Girl,
You need anger management.

Spectators,
That was NOT funny.
What if YOU were the one in her place?
You wouldn't be laughing now, would you?

Some people just don't know where to draw the line.
I hope this showed you how.

Conclusion:
Don't. Be. Stupid.
God gave you a conscience; USE it.
Stupid people = Stupid actions = Stupid consequences.

I'll be praying for all of you.
I hope the least you do is appreciate the pity.

Tell Me.

Why fall so madly in love with someone when you know. You just know.
They're not going to love back?

It's stupidity, one would say.

Stupid to fall so deeply, tragically, sadistically in love.
Wasting all your sentimentally on that certain someone.
Building that wall of denial higher and higher...
Convicting oneself to sweet lies.
Then reality will strike, making your wall of self-security come crashing down, down, down...

No! cries the other. It's nothing like that!

With that love, you grow.
You convince yourself that it makes you a better person.
A motivation to truly discover yourself, to make yourself that much of a greater person.
A wiser, kinder, calmer, more mature self so that when that special someone sees,
They'll count their lucky stars to find you love them.

Then. You realize: do I really KNOW that someone?
Would it really be worth all the effort you've thrust yourself into? All that love you've thirst for?

Then it's not love anymore.
It's an obsession.

You feel lost, alone.
Mourning your naivety that went unnoticed for so long.
Your feelings left cold, naked and exposed to be mocked, sneered, laughed at.



In the end,
There was never really anything to grieve for.




So tell me.
What hurts more?

To love or not to?
To BE loved or not to?

Dear God,
Teach me patience and wisdom.
To accept the fate that You have willed for me.

To wait.

Numb.

I'm falling to pieces - Breakeven, The Script

Right now, I'm just angry.
Angry, confused and non-understanding of the world.

I just feel like laying motionless on the cold floor,
Kicking, punching, bashing something to a pulp,
Then crumpling up into a pitiful ball to cry and wail my heart out like a four-year-old as I declare self-pity.

My head is pounding with rage, my heart, of frustration. Sorrow.

I feel consumed by sheer cold numbness.
Maybe that's why so many people don't mind slicing themselves open, huh?
To writhe in pain... A form of temporary self-assurance of their existence.
A slow narcotic compelling you to repeat it time and time again, slicing fresh wounds and shredding up old ones, because it never gets the message across.

I feel empty.
An empty shell, with what used to be a calm, bubbly, happy soul.
Now gone.

My mood to study, sleep, eat.
All gone.


This is the reality of the girl who hid quietly behind a the mask of falsity.
This is the reality of the girl who consoled herself, so self-assured, by pathetic lies.
This.

Is how I feel.

But please.
Let this be a passing phase.

A Funny Little Feeling Inside.

For some reason, I feel like I just snapped open a little Pandora's box in my head.

My emotions have somehow gotten into haywired-craze.


My chest is contorting into an unfathomable twist of despair,
a gigantic burst of laughter is tickling at the back of my throat
and I'm holding back tears of... What?

I honestly don't know.
...
Weird.

I Know I'm Not Perfect.

Well obviously, I pretty damn well noticed that.

Yes, lady, I am perfectly AWARE that I am FAT.

I might also add that I'm very well not blind and that I can see my fattism perfectly fine. Even if I am four-eyed.

Thank you for reminding me that my metabolism rate is that much slower than yours.
Thank you for rubbing in my face that I DO notice that the people around me are much, much skinnier than I even if they do stuff their faces.
Thank you for reminding me that I don't have a choice but to eat after 7 because it takes my mom to fetch myself and 3 other siblings about an hour and 45 minutes there AND back.
Thank you for reminding me that I'm 'out of the norms of society'.

Well, hello hello!
Newsflash:

Yes. I have tried.

And no matter what I do?

Nothing.
Ever.
Worked.

And I hope you get that into that thick coconut shell of which you call a sorry excuse of a skull and acknowledge that people don't want to be fat. They just are.

Oh! And here's a New Year's resolution for YOU!

How about trying to convince people to like the way they ARE.
Not for what they're NOT.
Or maybe identify how sufficiently BRUISED one's self-esteem might already be?
Or maybe to just put our lives at PEACE and go join your own species. Uranians perhaps?





Now you know, ladies and gentle-stalkers, why there are so many anorexics in Assunta.
The counselors CONVINCE you to be one.



:)

Getting the Hang of It?

Of the smell of kerosene-like fabric paints hanging in the air, of responsibility, of deligation, of duties, of prioritizing, of PARTY ORGANIZING?

I really hope so.


Lately, it's been too good to be true. It's odd enough that work has finally stopped pilling up, I'm finally going to sleep earlier than usual and I'm actually starting to have free time.

I can't trust myself at times like these. I never do.
There's always
A catch.
I just can't place my finger on what it is... It worries me.


My inspiration streak has deserted me. I am at lost. I need the feel of my pencil running over those smooth papers again, creating even more wonders I can be proud of... It frustrates me.


Smothering the keyboard with brownie residue was fun though. A cookie to those who figure out what I'm bringing tomorrow-- Or rather. Later today.

The ELDS party WILL be a BLAST tomorrow! I promise!




Yes, I am a very confused child, and I know it. :)

Rainfall.

Don't you just love the rain?

When that calming sense of ease washes over
you,
The tinge of the chilly air on your skin,
The refreshing air creeping up your nose.

(Okay, a very failed attempt at being poetic.)

You HAVE to sit down and just be lazy, no?
...
Okay, not necessarily.
But I feel brilliantly LAZY today. So I'll do this.

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1. Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 15 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 (...I'll stick to 5 too) people to be tagged and list their names.
4. No tags back!! Srsly.

(Le Taggeth! Ohnoes.)

1. The Debbie is nocturnal.

2. When the Debbie says the Debbie is nocturnal, the Debbie means that the Debbie can't do any work whatsoever until past midnight. Which does wonders to the Debbie's sleeping habits.

3. The Debbie is a game addict: the Debbie plays any games ranging from racing, fighting, to rpgs. Despite the Debbie's fancy for killing virtual people, the Debbie hates GTA.

4. The Debbie is in actual fact; very unorganized, messy and disoriented. Just ask the Kateh. And whoever else who's seen the Debbie's living headquarters before.

5. The Debbie talks to herself. When the Debbie does, the Debbie usually slaps herself.

6. The Debbie likes calling the Debbie, the Debbie! : D (Which she will stop due to the now stabbing glares) I'm starting to have a flare for photography.

7. I have a tendency to carry my sketchbook and my 'copic pencil box' wherever I go, even when I know there's no chance of using it after.

8. Oddly enough, I stopped reading manga a few months back. And survived.

9. I was once told by Madam Y, when everyone left, that I was and introvert AND an extrovert. I didn't get what she meant. And then she mentioned me joining SEWO. (Pfft. Forget it, lady.) I walked away.

10. I can sleep on anything, anywhere, anytime... As long as I have my two smelly pillows and my bolster.

11. I love food, but I'm a very picky eater.

12. I'm a real sucker for anything cute. I'll just HAVE to have it.

13. I have severe self-esteem issues and tend to have a pessimistic view towards life. I call it humility.

14. I am very shallow and can in no way, commit myself to intelligent talks. A real bummer I know, suck it up. ),:

15. I have... ADD. DDD:

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Aw dang, there's no more people to tag! D:

- Victoria!
- Dudette! (Yes Meenu, you.)
- Joaaaaaaaannah Yap YEE LING! (Please don't kill me if I got that wrong DX )
- Louise!
- Anyone ELSE who's blog is free of this- this MONSTROSITY.





Yup. : )