A Time for Changing

...Hi!

Yes, yes, I know, I've abandoned ship (well, this one) for a pretty long time.
So yes, my writing skills already probably rotted away with it, so just bear with me while I try to blurt my way through this post :P

Anyway, yes, as always.

Life happened within the months I've been away.

But I'm starting to feel it.

That whisper of doubt is gone.

The people I've met,
The things I've done,
The happiness we shared in that combination.

I really can say now... That I'm happy!

I'm happy that this is what I've chosen to do, and I will carry this badge of pride wherever I go.

To be called an artist and an animator :)







So uh, yes... That sums up my non-chalant vomit of words (HAHA) before I start... My art blog!
http://chronicling-debbies-art.blogspot.com/

From now on, I will be documenting my growth as an artist in this place to watch my improvement and to force the lazy bug outta me...

So here's to new starts,
And a time for changing! :)

Ironic.

How ironic;
It is when I seem to give people superbly, great advice;

But I can't seem to make it of any use to my own heart.

How ironic;
That I'm going around, lapping up after other people's problems;

Trying to fix what I can't stand to bear witness to;

Knowing that they probably won't do the same for me.

How selfish;

That I'm giving myself a small flicker of false hope.

To think that something might actually happen;
With no solid proof of anything.

How selfish;

To know that there are people who do care for me;
But thinking that they don't really understand.

And the shittiest part?







Is that this is something I have to solve on my own.

It just hurts to think anymore.

Belief

Recent events has led me to conclude that

I, for one, am not lucky enough to be blessed with the best of looks.

Not the best of hair, not the best of smiles, not the best of shape either. (haha)

But.

They've also made me come to believe

that the heart

is all that matters.

:)

What Could Be Worse

Than to bid your goodbyes, knowing it'll never be the same again?

Sure, you're not dead, you'll be around.

Of course we'll stay in touch!
We'll promise to meet up again, won't we?

We were supposed to end this journey we started, together.

I thought one blow was bad enough, but it had to be two.

This is why I should have, and I should'n't have.
I knew closeness and happiness,
Would only bring that much more hurt when we open our mouths to say it.

I only hate it because I know that once someone's touched my heart, they'll burn an ugly scar that will keep a part of you with me forever.

Always.

Even when you've walked out of my life.

I hate that word.

Why is everybody leaving me?

I Don't Know.

I went to church.

Asking for directions. Begging for a sign.

To say hey yo, this is your path!

I did. I freakin' decided.

I decided, stomped my foot right smack down on it.

Was SURE of it...

Then hey. Church.

I so happen to ask about it, that it was okay, that I really, really REALLY know what I'm doing and suddenly feel... Unsettled.

I'm panicked.

I'm shaken.

I'm scared.

Hey. Are you trying to tell me something?

Is this... Right?

Someone.

Help me.

Simpleton.

I am but a simpleton.

A simple, average human being, searching it's path in this wayward life.

Searching for answers, making decisions.

Decisions that will suffocate me with a blanket of calm and (well, at least) what I think is right.

Decisions that will let the ones I hold close to my heart slip right through my fingers.

I am a simpleton, just like any other person.

God, I hope I'm doing this right.

My Sweet Second Valentine's

Yet again as those good, tradition abiding single ladies out there go forth to throw their contact etched oranges into their water-containment-source-of-choice (be it river, lake, drain or perhaps the unfortunate home aquarium) in their hope and search of love this Chap Goh Mei, I walk down to the nearby mamak; capturing only the uncomforting stare of the wide-eyed moon.

Alone.

Okay, the title was a lie and I'm not complaining la, considering the fact that my love life has been idle for... All my life, pretty much. This second Valentine's has just led my thoughts to wander.

So the first time round, the idea was to spend the day with the dearest single college buddies with sob-worthy, mushy movies and wrap it all up with a pillow talk session. Which then evolved and resulted into a date with Weiler: a FOREVER ALONE polaroid to commemorate the day as well as spoiling ourselves with delectable deserts from Honeymoon. Oh well. What's life without it's twists and turns, eh? ;D

Anyway, that's beside the point.

What I query about is what Valentine's really is all about.

Sure, the celebration is simple enough.

For the couples; dates, hearts, chocolates and an extremely well-planned, romance oozing date to make the day perfect.

For the singular; depression, jealousy, Forever Alone whinings about Single Awareness Day or the 'I-don't-give-two-shits-so-I'll-insertnormaldayactivitiehere'.

Flowers all around, pink, red, white.

Flirting, infatuation, jealousy, depression.

But.

Has everyone forgot?

About how the main theme of this story is love?

Love not only for those with their special someone, but for themselves, family, friends, strangers... Humanity? Nature? LIFE?

Why only find a certain day that we should express our love by organizing extraordinary, bombastic expressions of love when we can do it anytime?

Not that I'm saying that's wrong, oh no, I'd be extremely touched for all the time and effort into the careful planning. It's just that maybe, just maybe, sometimes people tend to forget them littler things that could be done every day.

Hugs and kisses, words of affirmation. Appreciation.

So. My final conclusion?

OKAY LAH, OKAY LAH, I'm just trying to comfort myself because I don't want to end with my 27 cats only, okay? I really don't. LOL.

So all you single people out there, may your imaginary oranges remind you that love isn't only for that special someone okay... You're not alone, you're just not attached... Yet :D

Happy Chap Goh Mei, Second Valentine's Day and Last Day of Chinese New Year everybody :)