Monday, May 11, 2009

Tell Me.

Why fall so madly in love with someone when you know. You just know.
They're not going to love back?

It's stupidity, one would say.

Stupid to fall so deeply, tragically, sadistically in love.
Wasting all your sentimentally on that certain someone.
Building that wall of denial higher and higher...
Convicting oneself to sweet lies.
Then reality will strike, making your wall of self-security come crashing down, down, down...

No! cries the other. It's nothing like that!

With that love, you grow.
You convince yourself that it makes you a better person.
A motivation to truly discover yourself, to make yourself that much of a greater person.
A wiser, kinder, calmer, more mature self so that when that special someone sees,
They'll count their lucky stars to find you love them.

Then. You realize: do I really KNOW that someone?
Would it really be worth all the effort you've thrust yourself into? All that love you've thirst for?

Then it's not love anymore.
It's an obsession.

You feel lost, alone.
Mourning your naivety that went unnoticed for so long.
Your feelings left cold, naked and exposed to be mocked, sneered, laughed at.

In the end,
There was never really anything to grieve for.

So tell me.
What hurts more?

To love or not to?
To BE loved or not to?

Dear God,
Teach me patience and wisdom.
To accept the fate that You have willed for me.

To wait.